February 13, (THEWILL) – PR consultant, beauty entrepreneur and ‘YouTuber’, Maryam Adeyemi-Timmer speaks with IVORY UKONU about her marriage to a Caucasian and her perception of St Valentine’s Day
How and when did you meet your husband?
We met each other at my family house. At the time my husband was a tenant and I was living with my parents. My sister was by the poolside on a nice, sunny afternoon and she asked me to join her. My husband happened to be there, too. I decided to relax a bit before going back into the house. Then he walked up to us and said ‘hello’ very politely. I didn’t respond as I was extremely tired and wasn’t interested in having a conversation. He persisted with more questions and I declined to say, “I’m sorry, but I’m not in the mood to talk. No offence.” The questions kept coming and then, my sister said to me, “Maybe if you give him your contact, he will leave you alone.” I did and we went our separate ways. A few days later, he called to invite me for an after-work hangout and since then, we have been inseparable. It’s been nine years.
What was the attraction for both of you?
He says it was love at first sight, although I know for a fact that it was one of those ‘worse’ days for me because I had slept off after a long day at work. So I had smudged makeup and mascara all over my face. For me, it was his persistence, kind-heartedness and the fact that he accepted me for who I am.
How well did your families accept each other, him being Caucasian and you being Nigerian? I ask this because of the general perception of Nigerians by non-Nigerians
This is very funny because my family accepted him before I accepted to date him. One thing he knew about me for sure was that family meant a lot to me and he used that to his advantage. He became friends with some of my family members and I remember getting pissed at them because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to date him yet. I felt they were giving him false hope. His family accepted me from the beginning and honestly, I was nervous due to our cultural differences. Amazingly, I was wrong as they made me feel like a part of their family and I love them.
Another wrong perception is how Nigerians assume marrying/dating a Caucasian is all about securing the bag. Did you experience this prejudice?
I would be lying if I said otherwise, but I wasn’t bothered because I had always been hardworking and my family was well-to-do. He didn’t pick me up from the street or some night club. I started working when I was 19 years old and I still do till date. I can say that everything my husband and I have today was built by both of us.
What exactly does your husband do and in what ways has his work impacted your growth as a wife and a mother?
He is an engineer. His work ethic and problem-solving skills have contributed to the management of the responsibilities that come with marriage and motherhood. Being a mother, it is important that your partner is part of the journey in other to make it a beautiful experience and I’m grateful for his support.
You are a sociable person. How have you managed to stay off scandals for the six years you have been married?
Easy! We mind our business and keep a close-knit friendship circle.
What are your thoughts about putting or not putting out your marriage in the public space as most 21st century couples do these days?
It’s a choice! I have nothing against it.
Do you think the frequency with which marriages break up these days has anything to do with seeking validation from social media?
Whilst social media can have a negative effect on relationships/marriages, I believe that if a relationship is built on the right foundation and values, nothing should be able to destroy it, not even social media. There just has to be some restrictions. Also, we must understand that it comes with thorns and one must be prepared for it with an open mind.
Marrying a Caucasian isn’t quite the same as marrying someone from your own culture. What are some of those things you both had to learn about each other’s cultures and way of life to have made it this far?
We’ve had to adjust and accept of our differences.
Couples need to compromise in order to have a blissful relationship/marriage. That is what we have done and will continue to do. He has also learned quite a lot from my culture, like greeting. He prostrates happily to greet an elder. He has also learnt how to address anyone older than him. He enjoys our dishes – jollof rice is his favorite, etc.
What advice would you give a young person, male or female who is in the public eye and who is about to get married?
My advice is to just keep your happiness private.
What does St Valentine’s Day mean to you?
It means showing love and appreciation
It is St Valentine’s Day tomorrow. How do you both plan to spend the day?
He usually makes the plan for both of us and I just follow. I usually surprise him in the morning and he takes over in the evening. We share it…LOVE is meant to be shared by both parties and Valentine is about both parties. They should both feel loved and appreciated even though you don’t need a day to validate your love but it’s a good opportunity to let your partner know how much you appreciate them.
What don’t you like about your husband, hoping he will turn a new leaf?
Nothing really. We’ve been together for nine years, married for six years and if there is anything, I’m over it or we’ve found a way to work on it
Shortly before you got married, your relationship got tested, particularly on social media. It obviously didn’t deter you as you both went ahead with the wedding. What lessons did you take away from that incident?
I’m happy we are great now and have moved past it.
If you were to advise anyone going through a similar situation, what would your candid advice be to the person?
You owe the world no explanation, as long as you know the truth and are living your truth, then go ahead with your decision. It’s important to ignore opinions and concentrate on you and your partner. Lean on those who are there to support you.
You are a wife, mother, you run Six Sixteen Agency, a public relations firm, a beauty entrepreneur with your Lure Beauty brand as well as your Foodiology Youtube channel where you chronicle your love for food. How do you find the time to juggle all of these together and give them your maximum attention?
Simple! I create time for each of them as I love all of the things I am and do.
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